My Struggle With Patience in 2020
I’ve been on a journey with my lack of patience in 2020, and it’s not over yet.
In November 2020, I felt more impatient than ever.
Usually my impatience helps me to get shit done. It is absolutely a reason as to why I enjoy working in startups, a faster pace of achieving things is much more preferable for me. I am definitely one of those people who gets great joy from ticking off things on their to-do list. And for that reason I am generally good at breaking down big tasks into smaller things that I can tick off. I like the adrenaline buzz I get from achieving things (even if it is finishing a tub of moisturiser).
I also live to help others achieve things at work or in their personal life. If someone asks me to do something that I think will add value to them or our work, I’m always super keen, and often impatient to help (I’m great at pestering people to do things I know they really want to do but might need some extra help to achieve). I love helping my fellow employees grow and gain new experiences, and highlighting when individuals should share their skill sets to achieve better things together. And I love helping individuals with their CVs or job applications.
But, my (and likely your) way of working and life had changed dramatically due to the Covid-19 pandemic. I spent a lot of 2020 struggling with unhappiness linked to my lack of patience with the rate at which I was achieving things and the lower amount of (obvious) opportunities to help others. It felt like by November I was at peak impatience.
If I am asked the typical interview question ‘What are you weaknesses?’ I have always responded with my lack of patience. I think it’s always been clear that I am impatient. At school people would ask me “Hannah, why are you always power walking between lessons?”
Despite my need to achieve at work, I am generally great at achieving a work-life balance, but ironically mainly due to the fact that I usually keep myself busy achieving things in my personal life too. For example, I read 42 books last year. Regardless of how much I actually took in from those books, I am still pumped at this number. Interestingly, I really struggle to read books that have long chapters (over 18 pages for me seems too long), and those that don’t have chapters at all (what is this hell?). I like the sense of achievement during the reading of the entire book.
I think there’s some things that I still need to unpack here about my need to achieve things, and my general inability to relax. Although I am getting better at relaxing, maybe because I am getting older, but mainly due to the covid pandemic… I usually play sport and socialise to relax, so the pandemic has been a great lesson in different relaxation methods, hence the reading of 42 books…!
To help understand my problems with impatience, I spent some time with two different professional coaches. They talked through with me the various things I felt were holding me back and the potential reasons for them.
Ultimately it came down to the importance of self-awareness and practicing patience.
I really like this lesson I learnt: You can only control your actions, your words and how you handle your emotions. You can solve your concerns on your own by doing something, saying something or reframing your emotions.
I have those two sentences written on my whiteboard, and it helps remind me to take actions that are valuable to me, ask questions of myself and others for clarification and to reframe my emotions when things get hard.
I also have the word PATIENCE in post-it’s on my work monitor to remind me that a slower pace isn’t all bad.
If you’re feeling anything similar, I would also really recommend journalling and practicing being grateful for the teeny tiny things in your life that make you happy. That’s really helped me this year, and is something I hope to continue doing.
It’s taken a lot of reflective time on my own to help me process why I am like I am!
It’s all work in progress.
In reality, I think I will have to learn to live with my impatience. On one hand I will recognise it as a super power and on the other hand I will have to be much more self-aware and understand when it could be a destructive power. I am still working on that…
In 2021 I’ve decided to learn to meditate to see if that adds to my routine of journalling and reflection. And my goals each day are to read a bit and do a bit of meditation, nice and small and manageable. I am not sure I will get rid of my urge to help people and the happiness that it brings me. And I’m still not convinced it is a bad thing. I just need to be more chill about it, and not force it on people.
Thankfully, I have a lot of supportive friends and family, and I am now able to look back proudly at 2020. I am more at peace with the slower pace of my ‘progress’. But in reality my progress in 2020 is just disguised differently from previous years.
Bring it 2021.
